Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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