Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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