Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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