my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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