you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
a search helicopter?!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
