Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
