You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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