its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
