Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize