I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize