Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
