seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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