I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
