Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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