i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize