Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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