her vagine was all disorganized.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
