But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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