took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
and you fell through a lawn chair
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
