I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
