I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
