I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
