life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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