i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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