I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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