so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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