problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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