I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
