time to smoke my breakfast
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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