So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dick very happy bro
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