closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
