I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
