billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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