I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize