My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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