Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
