oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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