Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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