Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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