I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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