do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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