i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
