It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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