I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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