Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
