HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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