I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
