We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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