I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
