Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
