Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
