got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
