Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
