just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize