wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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