OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
