I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
