this beer tastes like vomit already
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
