I wanna bring you to show and tell
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
