Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
