That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
