Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
