true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
