I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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