remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I still have a little drunk in my system
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
