I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
