Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
