so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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