I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize