I'm eating all of the evidence.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My vagina is officially offended.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
