Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
