It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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