Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
