Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The uberlube is also flammable
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
