I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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