Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
