Your mouth is God's brothel.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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