You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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