Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize