alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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