And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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