The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Let's get the cat blown out
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
