i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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