i already hear my dad disowning me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize