Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
