sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
