Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
