Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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