If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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