That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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