I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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