i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
