i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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