it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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