I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
