Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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