I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
