is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
